The Single White Female Phenomenon

I love technology. I admit it. I own an IPhone and an IPad. I’m on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I write a blog (not a very particular good blog but that’s neither here nor there). It seems we are a society obsessed with updating everyone about our every move, food decision, and random musing. I try not to be one of those people. No one needs to know I went to Starbucks and got a non-fat pumpkin spice latte. No one needs to know what I’m wearing to work on a random Tuesday morning.

So I have a theory … (insert Buffy the Musical quote here but I digress) All this pinning, posting, tweeting, and updating has led to an outbreak of the single white female phenomenon.*These are people who follow your every online move. This trend can even trickle down to your day to day life. If you are worried you might have a twin, the list below will help you detect a few warning signs.

Five Warning Signs you are being “Single White Female-d”

Pins Galore

Your Pinterest Boards are oddly familiar. Oh you’re a vegetarian, I’m a vegetarian! Oh my god, we pinned the same red quinoa and kale salad! Oh you posted a photo of army pants and flip flops; I love army pants and flip flops!

Double Take

You could be Facebook twins. You are “Like” clones … the same blogs and the same shares. You post about the SYTYCD finale, so does she. You post trip pics from the beach; later that day somehow she has new beach photos posted.

Tweet Twins

OMG! Re-tweet! You retweet the latest post from ENews! Not fifteen minute later, she has retweeted the same thing. You post #weedsfinale, she posts #weedsfinale. Oh you follow the cast of SMASH, me too!

Where did you get that?

On Sunday, you and a group of friends hit the town for brunch and champagne. You decide to wear your new cutoff jean shorts and dolman sleeve nautical stripe top. You happen to run into the suspect out and about. Next thing you know, you see her wearing the same outfit all over Facebook … muy interesante.

Dude, where’s my stuff?

Now, this is probably the most intense warning sign. Maybe she comes to stay over for a weekend or you run into each other at a friend’s house. Suddenly, you’re missing your favorite sunglasses or scarf. Where, oh where has my stuff gone? It’s at her house!

Now there is nothing wrong with having the same interests or style as your friends. I mean, that’s probably what brought you together in the first place. I love my friends’ style and I often re-pin the same things. Now, do I break into their houses and steal items from their closets?  No, that’s taking it too far.

So be yourself and tweet away!

*If you have not seen Single White Female, I am sad for you. Watch it immediately … but with friends (because it’s creepy!)  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105414/

World’s Worst Twilight Fan

                 So over the long weekend, I decided to totally veg out … catch up on my magazines, bad tv, and trashy novels. And trust me friends, I did just that. For some reason on Saturday, I felt the desire to watch Twilight: Breaking Dawn. I don’t know where this desire came from but as I had christened the weekend “Dani’s Fat Pants Only Escapade,” I said to myself, “Self, why not?” So as I sat and watched the movie I came to the realization that I am, without a doubt, the world’s worst Twilight fan.

                The journey to this realization was a long one, with many twists and bends. When the first movie came out, I had no idea what anyone was talking about. Who the hell was Edward Cullen? Then someone explained it was a movie about vampires. Now, I was a fan of teen vampire novels from back in the day. I read the original four Vampire Diaries books by L.J Smith back in 8^th grade and loved them. But, as many of you might know, loving vampire books back then did not exactly boost your popularity so I kept my love for them to myself. 

                So one day, I rented the Twilight DVD, poured myself a glass of wine, and sat down to enjoy the teenage angst and vampire awesomeness. Let’s just say I was not impressed. Half way through the movie, I distinctly remember yelling at the screen, “They glitter, oh hell no!” I was not a fan. Sure Robert Pattinson was fun to look out but did that outweigh my overall distaste for the movie, no. So I called a spade a spade, finished my wine, and chucked the whole experience as a youthful indiscretion. 

                Now, let’s fast forward to the release of New Moon. Everyone around me was excited. We all sat down to watch the first movie again. I don’t know what happened. I started to enjoy it. I drank the Kool Aid. I saw New Moon in theaters 3+ times! I had to admit to myself … I was a Twilight fan. I bought all four books and read them. I have to admit, I liked them. To this day, I don’t know how it happened. I have not re-read them multiple times like I have done other series (I read Harry Potter over again about every two years.) It’s like a reality t.v. show. You hate everyone in it, but you watch it.

Now, as I said before, I am not your typical Twilight fan. I am the World’s Worst Fan. And this is why:

The new movie is about to come out:

Right before a new film comes out, I get crazy excited. I watch the teaser trailers, I watch the old movies, and I plan group trips to the theater. I am a fan!

The movie is released:

OMG! The movie is about to start. 30 minutes in, I realize I hate these movies. The script is not good, the plot is not good, and the acting is not good. I always hope that they will get better and they never do!

The movie is released on DVD:

YAY! I must run to the store and buy it! I have movie amnesia. I’m so excited to see it again.

I watch it at home:         

Dear God, how could I have forgotten! I have completely blocked out that I don’t think these movies are good!

I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way about this series. If anyone knows why we suffer such epic movie amnesia, please feel free to let me know!

PS- Breaking Dawn will be out November 16^th! So excited … (I think I have a problem)