The Single White Female Phenomenon

I love technology. I admit it. I own an IPhone and an IPad. I’m on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I write a blog (not a very particular good blog but that’s neither here nor there). It seems we are a society obsessed with updating everyone about our every move, food decision, and random musing. I try not to be one of those people. No one needs to know I went to Starbucks and got a non-fat pumpkin spice latte. No one needs to know what I’m wearing to work on a random Tuesday morning.

So I have a theory … (insert Buffy the Musical quote here but I digress) All this pinning, posting, tweeting, and updating has led to an outbreak of the single white female phenomenon.*These are people who follow your every online move. This trend can even trickle down to your day to day life. If you are worried you might have a twin, the list below will help you detect a few warning signs.

Five Warning Signs you are being “Single White Female-d”

Pins Galore

Your Pinterest Boards are oddly familiar. Oh you’re a vegetarian, I’m a vegetarian! Oh my god, we pinned the same red quinoa and kale salad! Oh you posted a photo of army pants and flip flops; I love army pants and flip flops!

Double Take

You could be Facebook twins. You are “Like” clones … the same blogs and the same shares. You post about the SYTYCD finale, so does she. You post trip pics from the beach; later that day somehow she has new beach photos posted.

Tweet Twins

OMG! Re-tweet! You retweet the latest post from ENews! Not fifteen minute later, she has retweeted the same thing. You post #weedsfinale, she posts #weedsfinale. Oh you follow the cast of SMASH, me too!

Where did you get that?

On Sunday, you and a group of friends hit the town for brunch and champagne. You decide to wear your new cutoff jean shorts and dolman sleeve nautical stripe top. You happen to run into the suspect out and about. Next thing you know, you see her wearing the same outfit all over Facebook … muy interesante.

Dude, where’s my stuff?

Now, this is probably the most intense warning sign. Maybe she comes to stay over for a weekend or you run into each other at a friend’s house. Suddenly, you’re missing your favorite sunglasses or scarf. Where, oh where has my stuff gone? It’s at her house!

Now there is nothing wrong with having the same interests or style as your friends. I mean, that’s probably what brought you together in the first place. I love my friends’ style and I often re-pin the same things. Now, do I break into their houses and steal items from their closets?  No, that’s taking it too far.

So be yourself and tweet away!

*If you have not seen Single White Female, I am sad for you. Watch it immediately … but with friends (because it’s creepy!)  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105414/

World’s Worst Twilight Fan

                 So over the long weekend, I decided to totally veg out … catch up on my magazines, bad tv, and trashy novels. And trust me friends, I did just that. For some reason on Saturday, I felt the desire to watch Twilight: Breaking Dawn. I don’t know where this desire came from but as I had christened the weekend “Dani’s Fat Pants Only Escapade,” I said to myself, “Self, why not?” So as I sat and watched the movie I came to the realization that I am, without a doubt, the world’s worst Twilight fan.

                The journey to this realization was a long one, with many twists and bends. When the first movie came out, I had no idea what anyone was talking about. Who the hell was Edward Cullen? Then someone explained it was a movie about vampires. Now, I was a fan of teen vampire novels from back in the day. I read the original four Vampire Diaries books by L.J Smith back in 8^th grade and loved them. But, as many of you might know, loving vampire books back then did not exactly boost your popularity so I kept my love for them to myself. 

                So one day, I rented the Twilight DVD, poured myself a glass of wine, and sat down to enjoy the teenage angst and vampire awesomeness. Let’s just say I was not impressed. Half way through the movie, I distinctly remember yelling at the screen, “They glitter, oh hell no!” I was not a fan. Sure Robert Pattinson was fun to look out but did that outweigh my overall distaste for the movie, no. So I called a spade a spade, finished my wine, and chucked the whole experience as a youthful indiscretion. 

                Now, let’s fast forward to the release of New Moon. Everyone around me was excited. We all sat down to watch the first movie again. I don’t know what happened. I started to enjoy it. I drank the Kool Aid. I saw New Moon in theaters 3+ times! I had to admit to myself … I was a Twilight fan. I bought all four books and read them. I have to admit, I liked them. To this day, I don’t know how it happened. I have not re-read them multiple times like I have done other series (I read Harry Potter over again about every two years.) It’s like a reality t.v. show. You hate everyone in it, but you watch it.

Now, as I said before, I am not your typical Twilight fan. I am the World’s Worst Fan. And this is why:

The new movie is about to come out:

Right before a new film comes out, I get crazy excited. I watch the teaser trailers, I watch the old movies, and I plan group trips to the theater. I am a fan!

The movie is released:

OMG! The movie is about to start. 30 minutes in, I realize I hate these movies. The script is not good, the plot is not good, and the acting is not good. I always hope that they will get better and they never do!

The movie is released on DVD:

YAY! I must run to the store and buy it! I have movie amnesia. I’m so excited to see it again.

I watch it at home:         

Dear God, how could I have forgotten! I have completely blocked out that I don’t think these movies are good!

I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way about this series. If anyone knows why we suffer such epic movie amnesia, please feel free to let me know!

PS- Breaking Dawn will be out November 16^th! So excited … (I think I have a problem)

Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge or How to Successfully Survive a Trip to a SoCal Outlet Mall

This past weekend, a close friend and I braved the wilds of Banning, California to hit the outlets. She needed to find a few dresses for upcoming events and I, ever the humanitarian, graciously offered to join the quest. Though I am happy my friend and I were able to do our part in boosting the economy, I equate dealing with the crowd to a painful leg wax.

Below is a guide on how to survive a trip of your very own.

Arrive Early

Not only will you be able to start shopping before it hits 105 degrees, you are also hitting the stores before the main crowds. Enjoy the peace, just you and a few busloads of Asian tourist straight from the airport.

Bring Snacks

Yes, outlet malls have food courts. Yes, this means food is available. But, that is in theory. Sure, wait an hour in line at Panda Express. I’m just going to enjoy my protein bar while I snag the last pair of black peep toe Mary Jane’s from Nine West.

Wear a Simple Outfit

No ornamental scarves, boots, and/or layered tops. Trust me … you are going to be stripping down every 30 minutes and no matter what, the fitting rooms will somehow be at least 20 degrees warmer than the rest of the store. (On the same note, bring extra hair ties … really a life lesson)

Caffeine up!

No matter what your drink of choice is, drink up! You savor that grande iced Americano or mint green tea. Outlet shopping is a marathon not a sprint. How will you find the perfect skinny jeans if you are falling asleep after the first 50 stores?

Know what you need

Now … I will admit I never follow this rule but I do give it an honest try each time. If you don’t know what you are looking for you will somehow come home with a new Michael Kors purse, a ball gown from BCBG, and few Kate Spade Iphone cases. All fantastic purchases, none of which you need.

Well I take that back … a new purse is never a bad idea.

Best of luck, my fellow shoppers!

And if you can’t decide between two items … remember, YOLO!

Birthday Blues

As this is not only my inaugural blog post as well as my birthday, I thought I would write on how I feel about turning 25.

The first thought that popped into mind when I woke up this morning was the scene in “Never Been Kissed” when Drew Barrymore rips her prom queen tiara off her head and reveals she is not in fact a high school student but a reporter from the Chicago Sun Times … a 25 year old reporter.  Waking up to the daunting idea that I have now reached an age that made me gasp in 1999 wasn’t all too pleasing. But once I realized that I did not have any grey hairs, my boobs had not sagged, and my butt seemed to be in the same relative place I left yesterday, I decided to embrace 25 … and also to rent a car, because why the hell not!

In honor of being in a new age bracket (what’s up my fellow 25 to 34ers), below are two TV characters that, at 25, seem to have done it right.

    

            Rachel Karen Green – Season 2 – Friends

    What can’t be said about ever girl’s TV bff. Only Rachel K Green can make overalls and a sweatshirt look good. At the age of 25, we find Rachel adjusting to life in the city and finally landing Ross (and finding new ways to enjoy the Planetarium.) Well done, Rachel Green. Enjoy 25 in your impossibly large rent controlled apartment.

            Josephine Potter – Series Finale – Dawson’s Creek

      Though we only view Miss Joey Potter at 25 for two (heartbreaking) hours, I can’t help but be jealous of her life. She is an editor living in New York and her soul mate writes a TV show that is insanely popular about her teenage years. She also finally gets back together with Pacey. Reason alone to be jealous – being that close to Joshua Jackson

These two characters lead me to believe 25 is going to be awesome and that also I secretly harbor the desire to run away to New York.

At this point, I am not really sure what this blog will be about as a whole. I plan to write about what interests me … books, TV, movies, and the general asinine behavior of others. I’m sure as time goes on, I will discover what subjects I find interesting to write about as well as what people find interesting to read. Or I could always fall back on the family business of sheep farming on the island of Bali Bali.

Now I leave you all to enjoy my bottle of Rosé and some rufus reality TV.